Bolstered by the success of his recent AR-15 rifle giveaway on social media, State Senator and congressional candidate Greg Evers is upping the stakes by announcing the giveaway of a custom M1 Abrams battle tank.
“I believe that our Second Amendment right to bear arms is limited only by our imaginations, and we should fight to protect that right using every tool available, be it high-capacity assault weapons, shoulder-mounted missile launchers, or heavy artillery,” said Evers, a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association. “Regardless of the human cost of lax gun control, Americans have the right to defend themselves and their families and I can think of no better way to do that than with 68 tons of rolling, unbridled firepower.”
The custom-built tank will include an engraved inscription of the Second Amendment as well as an onboard gun rack to transport rifles and other firearms. An aftermarket horn has also been added that will play the “Star-Spangled Banner” when triggered.
“Out of control bureaucrats in Washington have the audacity to back common-sense gun control measures,” said Evers. “Polls say that a majority of Americans support closing the gun show loophole and banning gun sales to those on the no-fly list, but how do we know those are real Americans and not sleeper cell jihadis? Our Second Amendment rights have never been under heavier assault. It’s time for all real, God-fearing, red-blooded Americans to stand up, lock and load, and push back.”
“When I’m in Congress I will gun down the liberal agenda and blow Obama’s efforts to take away our guns right out of the sky,” Evers added as he casually fired a pistol several times into the air. “I’ll also kill as many Muslim terrorists as I can get my hands on. Personally.”
Protecting the Second Amendment is Evers’ first, but not only priority, he said. “We also need to fix the damn economy and create jobs so that Americans can afford to buy the guns they and their families need and deserve,” Evers said.
The preceding has been completely fake news produced for satirical purposes only.